iAnorexic
by Tori Nicole
Summary: Freddie says something he shouldn't have one night. And as Sam looks at herself in the mirror, she sees a monster. Anorexia can take over your life, and that might just be what it does to Sam. This is a Seddie story! Rated T for cursing and dark moments.
1. iAnorexic

**So I hope you enjoy this fan-fic! It was really fun to write :) Look forward to more chapters! I think that this is my favorite fan-fic so far, because this was MY original idea. I'm not sure if anyone else did something like this, well they probably did. But I got inspired by watching a program in my health class about anorexia and bulimia and while we were taking notes, well my classmates were taking notes, I was drawing a seddie picture, I was thinking OIGFRIAUFAOFIEWJHFIUHFIUQYF idea! :) Hehe so I hope you like this!**

_Sam's POV_

I look in the mirror. Disgusted by what I see. Me in my bra and underwear, pinching my sides. Seeing my fingers grab at my skin. I remember what happened today.

"_FOOD!" I said as I ran to the table to eat the spaghetti tacos Spencer made. I immediately start shoving the food in to my mouth._

"_Slob..." I heard Freddie mutter. And to tell you the truth, it hurt._

"_I'm not perfect, nub." I said with food in my mouth, hurt in my eyes._

"_And atleast my mom doesn't make me eat healthy crap everyday." I mutter._

"_Sam, you know what? You're a slob! You can't go one hour without food! Your gonna be a fat ass! I'm suprised your not overweight! No guy wants a girl who's disgusting like you! Fat ass!" He yelled._

_I felt tears form in my eyes, but no, I wasn't going to let him see me cry. I wipe my mouth with my sleeve, pick up my bag, and leave. Not bothering to close the door._

"_Freddie! Why would you say that?" I heard Carly yell, as I was leaving._

"_Not cool, kiddo..." Spencer said, it sounded like he was trying to hold back from yelling._

"_I'm going to find Sam." Carly said. I heard footsteps towards the door._

_No, I didn't want her to see me now. Not like this. I wanted to be alone._

_I ran. Past the busy cars on the street, seeing all the stores rush by me, some angry people honking their car horns._

And now here I am. Alone. In my room. Looking at myself in the mirror. I looked different from how I looked at myself this morning. This morning, I looked skinny. And now, looking at myself, I look fat.

I guess Freddie was right. I rush in to the bathroom and grab a clothing magazine that my mom had. I flip through the pages as I walk back to my room. I come across a picture of a model. She was so skinny, with a flat stomach, curves, cheekbones, everything a guy would want. But no guy would want me.

I throw the magazine across my room. I bury my face in to my pillow...

And I cry.

**Poor Sam :( I was actually getting teary eyed as I wrote this and I was listening to I Need A Doctor by Dr. Dre so it was even more emotional :( But anyway, review! Or all unicorns and narwhals will RULE THE WORLD!**


	2. iFeel Weak

**Yay next chapter! I hope you guys like it ****J It's alittle bit longer. The other one was shorter because if you know me well, I make all first chapters short. Sort of like a little preview I guess? So if you like the story it's short enough so you can realize if you want to continue reading the other chapters or not. I hope that made sense :P Oh and thanks to mileycfan4eva for telling me about the song Courage by Superchick. Thats the song playing during this chapter. Its a song about anorexia and bulimia. And to someone who's named seddie, an anonymous reviewer said that my story was way to short, Freddie was out of character, and the plot was horrible. So to he or she, be brave and make a real account okay? So I can see your stories and give you proper critisim. I just explained why the first chapter was short, and Freddie was only out of character when he was yelling. Sometimes, people get mad okay? It happens. And plus, their teens, so they have alittle something called hormones. Okay hun? Anyway, enjoy!**

_Carly's POV_

I can't believe he said that... I can't believe it. I saw tears form in Sam's eyes, she didn't want him to see her weak. Sam and Freddie fought, but they were still best friends.

Sam told me two years ago when we were 14 that she used to have an eating disorder. She was bulimic. Her mom's boyfriend told her that she was ugly and overweight. I helped Sam get through it. How was I going to help her now? Will her and Freddie ever be friends again?

"Freddie... why?" I asked, trying to hold back my anger.

"I-i don't know..." He said faintly, I almost couldn't heard him. He was looking down at his plate.

"If you didn't know then why would you say that Freddie? Sam's your friend I can't believe you would tell her that! Don't you know how insecure she can get?" I screamed, pausing for a quick breath.

"Carly! I'm sorry!"

"Go tell that to Sam." I said. Then I walked upstairs. Too upset to eat. Freddie Benson, the guy who I thought was always so nice and caring, even to Sam, might have just changed Sam's life.

**The next day...**

_Sam's POV_

Day one, I thought to myself, of not eating.

It was 10:05 AM. Saturday.

"Sammy! Breakfast!" My mom yelled. I could smell bacon. Ugh, why does this have to be so damn hard?

No, i'm not going to cave in. I made a promise to myself. I'm not going to eat.

And that's what I did. I didn't eat. I had maybe one small meal every day. That was it.

_I told another lie today_

_And I got through this day_

_No one saw through my games_

_I know the right words to say_

" Sam, your not eating lunch?" Carly said in the cafeteria. "I don't feel well."

"Sam, want some bacon?" Carly said as she walked towards her fridge. "I ate before I came."

_Then someone tells me how good I look_

_And for a moment_

_For a moment I am happy_

"Sam your looking great!" Wendy said. I smiled. But on the inside, I was falling apart.

_But when i'm alone_

_No one hears me cry_

_I need you to know_

_That i'm not through the night_

_Some days i'm still fighting_

_To walk towards the light_

"Sam! Sam! Wake up!" Freddie yelled. I shot my head up, realizing I was in the school cafeteria.

_I need you to know_

_That i'll be okay_

_Together we can make it through_

_another day_

I walk in to school. Tired. Hungry. Weak.

"Sam, you have bags under your eyes! And your so pale!" Carly sounded worried.

"I'm fine Carls." I yawned. Trying my hardest not to pass out.

_I don't remember the first time_

_I felt so unbeautiful_

_The day I chose not to eat_

_What I do know_

_Is how i've changed my life forever_

I walk on to the weight scale. 61 pounds. I feel fine.

I look at myself in my full length mirror. Ugly. Hideous. Disgusting. I see a monster.

I pinch my sides. I need to be skinnier. I feel weak, tired, and hungry. But I know what i'm doing... is... right.

I have my inspiration right next to my bed. The magazine, from weeks ago. When I stopped eating.

I flip through the pages. Realizing, how ugly I've become. All the girls here and so skinny! So... so perfect. I feel tears falling down my cheeks.

The next day, I walk in to school. Feeling worse than usual. My legs feel like string. I'm bending over as I walk. I hear a ringing in my head. It hurts. My whole body, hurts.

Bad.

The rumbling in my stomach sounded like thunder.

I walk in to the locker room at gym. Gym was my first class. I lift up my shirt to change.

"Sam, I see your ribs and spine!" Carly shrieked. I was fine. I told myself.

"I don't." I replied, quietly.

_There are days when i'm not okay_

_and I need your help_

_so i'm letting go_

"Sam! Sam! Oh my gosh!" I heard Carly yell, faintly. I feel dizzy. "Sam!" Freddie yells. I feel a crowd around me. Everyone's going in circles. Everything's blurry.

But i'm fine.

No i'm not.

Everything goes black.

**:o Can you figure out what happens? The sooner you review the sooner I update! And if you didn't get the song part, basically, its lyrics playing through Sam's new life with anorexia. So it's not all in one day. The lyrics are all on different days throught weeks since Sam became anorexic. Sooo.. yeah. And guys, this fan-fiction is NOT trying to incourage eating disorders or anything. Anorexia and Bulimia are serious sickness's that can ruin your life. So please don't hate on me.. hehe... So anyway... review! Or all pet rocks will die.**


	3. Letter to seddie

**Hey dolls, so this is not another chapter in iAnorexic :[ Sorry, but I wanted to write something to someone called "seddie" who is critisizing my fan-fic. This is only for him/her and not for my awesome fans :]**

**Dear "seddie",**

**I would appreciate if you would sign in and show me your real account so I know your not faking, and I would NOT critisize your stories just because you critisize mine. I would truthfully review it. Also, I didn't know that the idea for iAnorexic was used a lot of times. So i'm sorry if i'm somewhat dumb and didn't know that. I don't need anynomous reviewers trashing my story and not being mature enough to be brave and show me their real account. If you read my first chapter and hated it, why would you go back and read the next chapter anyway? You wanted to come back and trash it again? So mature :] So now, if you read my profile, you know I end any comment I have for the haters with this. Have a good day hun ;] **

**~Tori**


	4. iApologize

**Hey dolls! So thanks for all the support after I posted the letter to someone named "seddie". You guys are the BEST! Okay so here's the next chapter it's in Freddie's POV to show you how he feels :) Enjoy!**

_Freddie's POV_

Why? Why did I have to yell? I didn't mean to. I just... I just hate when she talks trash about my mom. My mom is just trying to protect me. My father used to abuse me and my mom, and when he left us, she became overprotective of me. I love my mom and I just hate when Sam says that stuff about her. She doesn't know half the reason she's protective over me.

But I shouldn't of yelled at her. It was so un-Freddie Benson-like of me to do that. I almost never stood up to Sam. And I didn't mean to hurt her.

Guilt.

All I felt was guilt.

Sitting there in the hospital waiting room with Carly. She wasn't even speaking to me.

If I didn't yell at Sam. We wouldn't be here. She wouldn't be suffering. Sam passed out during lunch at school today. She was, so pale, like a ghost. And she had bags under her eyes, her fingers were turning purple, I could see her bones when she wore short sleeves.

I hate myself.

I hate myself for making Sam hate herself. And for making her slowly kill herself.

"Fredward Benson and Carly Shay?" The nurse called out.

"That's us." I stood up and pointed to Carly.

"You may visit Samantha now. She's awake."

Carly and I followed the nurse to Sam's hospital room. Once the nurse opened the door. I... I hated myself even more then I already did.

Sam was laying in the hospital bed. With two tubes up her nose to help her breathe, and an IV in her wrist. She was breathing heavily and she looked so... so helpless. Something I never thought Sam Puckett would ever look like.

"Hey.. Sam." I managed to choke out as I walked over to the hospital bed. I was trying my hardest not to cry.

She looked over at me, her pale face stained with tears. Her crystal blue eyes filled with hurt. She looked away.

"The IV in her arm is to give her all the vitamins and nutrients she needs to help her become healthy again ." The nurse said.

Once Sam heard that the IV was giving her food, she quickly struggled to try and take it off, but was too weak. And the nurse hurried over to stop her.

Sam sighed and let go of the IV cord.

"Do you two know why she did this to herself?" The nurse asked.

Me and Carly looked at each other. Then I looked down at the floor. Trying my hardest not to cry. This is all my fault.

The nurse sighed and walked out. Muttering some words I couldn't hear.

Right when she walked out Carly burst in to tears. I tried to put my arm around her to comfort her but she just pushed me away.

"You did this to her! She wouldn't be here if you didn't yell at her! I tried to help her but she ignored me! This is all your fault..." She said when she finally stopped crying.

"You know i'm concious right Carls?" Sam said, not sounding atleast a bit upset.

"Sam!" Carly shrieked, running up to her and hugging her.

"Carly, can I... can I talk to Sam... alone?" I asked. Getting ready for her to yell at me.

But all she did was look at me with this hurt expression.

"Fine." She said. And walked out, her heels clicking against the tile floor.

" Sam I-"

"It's fine Freddie." She said. Looking down.

She called me Freddie? She only called me by my real name when she was upset and didn't bother to come up with new nicknames for me.

"No Sam, it's not."

"Freddie, everything you said was true. I am a fat ass. And a slob. You were right."

"Sam. I only got mad because you insulted my mom. She's only overprotective of me because she loves me."

"You still spoke the truth about me."

"Sam. What I said about you was a complete lie. Your not fat. Or a slob."

"Freddie, when I look in the mirror. I see a monster. I see, a girl no guy would ever want. I see, someone I hate." Tears were racing down her cheeks.

"Sam, I don't know why you see yourself like that. You're beauti-"

"Sammy!" I heard a familiar voice scream. It was Pam Puckett. Sam's mom.

She pushed me out of the way.

"Sammy are you okay? Sorry I couldn't get here sooner, I was stuck at work."

"It's okay mom.." Sam almost whispered. I could tell she was fighting back tears.

"Sam. I was cleaning your room yesterday. I saw all the candy you had in your room was in the garbage."

"I know. I didn't want it anymore."

"Sam, your fat cakes were also in the garbage. You would NEVER waste a fat cake!"

"I don't like them anymore." Sam was saying everything without emotion.

Suddenly, the nurse came back in.

"Are you Pam Marie Puckett?" She asked.

"Yeah why?"

"Can we talk about Samantha?"

"Sure."

"Follow me. Mr. Benson you may come as well."

We followed the nurse in to an office. It had dark brown walls with a wooden floor, a dark wooden desk, and two dark green chairs.

and me sat down.

"Ms. Puckett, your daughter is here because she suffered from a heart attack."

"What?" Pam said, stunned.

"Samantha was not getting all the vitamins she needed to keep her body and her heart healthy."

"I knew something was up with her. She was eating less and less every day." Pam said. She was looking down at her shoes.

"Ms. Puckett, i'm afraid to inform you that Samantha is suffering from anorexia nervosa. It's an eating disorder that causes someone, usually a girl, to believe that she is fat and overweight. So she starves herself. Ms. Puckett. If Samantha keeps doing this. She...," The nurse paused. "She could die."

Those words echoed in my head.

Sam. Could. Die.

**Oh my effin Pedobear! :) If you don't know who Pedobear is basically he's some creepy pedophile bear :P Google image that m'kay? No jk :) Okay well I was thinking of asking you guys a question after each chapter because I thought it would be fun to hear your answers :) Okay so the question for this chapter is what do you think is going on in Sam's head right now? And the other question is just random which is do any of you dolls draw little doodles in your notebook during class and not pay attention? Hehe.. I do in math because it's boooooooring! Okay, so talk to you guys next time!**


	5. iStaircase

**Next chapter! I hope you guys like it :)Hmmmm.. not much to say here... so.. I guess just read the story! :)**

_Sam's POV_

After Freddie left. I felt a sudden urge to cry. I'm not sure why. I guess because I just ignored him and I even confessed to myself that I was fat and a slob.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me. It's all my fault. Not Freddie's. I used to eat way too much. And now they i've been eating less. I still feel and see no difference. Why was I in the hospital anyway?

I feel fine...

After I leave here though, everyone's going to force me to eat. I can't do that. I'm not sure why everyone's making a big deal about this. I fainted. So what? It's not like I had a heart attack...right? Wait, did I?

I feel so alone.

Not just because i'm alone in this hospital. I feel alone because no one knows whats going on in my head. Everyone's saying that I was skinny already and that i'm unhealthy now. I don't see it.

Freddie walked in. His eyes were all red like he was crying. Then the nurse walked in.

"Samantha, I'm just going to take your IV out and take out your oxygen tubes and then you can go." She said calmly. I wonder how nurses act so calmly. Their like flight attendants. "Ladies and gentlemen the plane is having some difficulties so we are about to go crashing in to the mountains." I could just imagine them saying. I smirk at the thought and then remember where I am.

The nurse already put a neon green Band-Aid where the IV was and took out the oxygen tubes.

"Okay Samantha honey, your clothes are in the bathroom over there so you can go change." She said. Wait...

I looked down and realized I was in a hospital gown. Someone took off my shirt, pants, and BRA and changed me in to this? They saw me half NAKED? Oh heck no!

"Uh... okay.." I said. Shivering at the thought that it could have been a male doctor.

Freddie was still standing there like an idiot.

I walked in to the bathroom and closed the door. I had a hard time putting on my clothes because, for some reason, I felt really weak.

But after I struggled to put on my clothes I looked in to the mirror. Wait. When did I get this pale? Why do I have such dark circles under my eyes? Well. I stay up late every night so that might be why I have dark circles. And maybe I was always this pale?

When I left the bathroom, Freddie was still in the hospital room.

"Sam." Was all he said before he ran up to me and hugged me.

I was too weak to pull my hands up and hug back. So I just stood there. And.. And I started crying.

"Sam, don't worry, everything's going to be okay." He said calmly.

"No it's not Benson! I'm in the hospital for no reason and I feel like i'm going to pass out any second! I don't even know why!" I said and dropped down in the the chair in the corner of the room. I put my head in my hands and sighed.

"Sam it's all my fault that your here and i'm sorry! I was an idiot for what I said and I should have never said it. Your my best friend, Sam. I'm really sorry." He pleaded.

But I didn't say anything.

After a few minutes of silence. He sighed and walked out.

My mom walked in and told me it was time to leave. For some reason she rushed out of the hospital and in about a minute we were in the car.

"Sam, eat this." She said. Handing me a cookie.

"I'm not hungry." I said. It was a lie. My stomach rumbled.

"Sammy, don't think that I didn't just hear your stomach rumble. Now EAT!" She forced me.

I had to. I didn't want her to think anything was wrong with me. Even though she probably thinks there is since I was at the hospital.

So I did. I ate it. And I regret it.

"Sam," My mom said while driving. "I'm sending you to therapy."

"What! No way mom!" I protested. Therapy? I finished that for my aggression issues like two years ago.

"Sam, your going."

"No."

"SAM!"

"NO!"

"Sam, your going and that's final. I'm your mom and i'm in charge of you and what you do, and where you go." She said.

I groaned and then shut my eyes. Falling asleep.

When I woke up it was 11:38 AM. Saturday. It has been exactly 4 weeks since I stopped eating so much.

My mom worked at all different times and days so she was probably at work now because I didn't hear her downstairs.

I put my hair in to a messy bun and put on a little eyeliner. Then I put on a comfy black sweatshirt that said "Ridgeway Wildcats" in gold and some black and gold plaid shorts. They were out schools colors.

I grabbed a small breakfast bar, put on my Uggs and headed out the door to Carly's.

I ate half of the breakfast bar and then threw the other half on the ground. By the time I got to Carly's, I was hungry again. But of course, I wasn't going to eat.

"GET OUT OF MY LOBBY! BLEH!" Lewbert said as he flailed his arms all around and ran in to his office.

I didn't have the strength to pull a prank on him or give an insult, so I just headed up the stairs to Carly's apartment. I would have used the elevator, but there was a sign that said it was broken.

By the time I was on the 3rd staircase I had to sit down. I couldn't go farther, my legs were too weak. So I just sat down on the stairs.

"Sam?" A familiar voice said from behind me. It was no other than Freddie Benson.

**Mwahahaa... bad cliffy much? Yeah :( Hehe I failllll... at cliffhangers and life. Juuust kidding. I fail at cliff hangers and math :) Okay so the question for now is: why do you think Freddie just happened to be by the staircase? And what do you think him and Sam are going to talk about? The sooner you review the sooner I update! And I need ideas! So please give me some ideas and I will be sure to credit you. Okay dolls! Good night :) ~Tori**


	6. iNeed Help

**Yay! The next chapter! Sorry it took me so long but i'm running out of inspiration so if you guys could give me some ideas that would be awesomesauce-tastic! :] Enjoy!**

_Sam's POV_

"Why are you here, nub?" I asked while looking down at my dirty converse.

"Well, my mom told me to never use elevators because apparently i'm claustrophobic and if it breaks I could get stuck and die of starvation." He said like he never hurt me.

"Whatever. Just leave me alone okay?" I tried not to cry.

He sat down beside me.

"Why are you sitting on the stairs?" He asked.

I wasn't going to tell him that I was too weak. If I did then he'll think that I have a problem.

And I don't.

"Because I.. uh... I want to." I said calmly.

"Yeah right Sam. Anyway, I just wanted to say.." He paused. "That i'm really sorry. I know you don't think that I am. But Sam, if I could climb up a one-hundred feet billboard and paint the words i'm sorry on it just to get you to believe me, I would."

I smiled. "I know you wouldn't, your too much of a wimpy nub to do that."

"Do you forgive me?"

"Hmm... i'll have to think about it." I said.

He sighed and was about to walk away.

"I'm kidding!" I stopped him. "I forgive you."

Then he helped me up and pulled me in to a hug that made me feel like energy was restored in me and I could continue walking.

"I'm so sorry I did this to you.." He said, he sniffled a few times as if he was trying to hold back tears.

"You didn't do anything. I did this to myself."

"Sam, you were skinny before and now your too skinny. You look like you haven't slept in days and your as pale as a ghost! Your body's nothing but a skeleton! It's not healthy. But... nevermind that. I don't want to start another fight. C'mon, lets go to the Groovie Smoothies. My treat." He said, taking my hand as we walked out the door.

I can't have a smoothie. It will make me fatter. I just... can't...

But I don't need him worrying about me.

I was so stuck in my thoughts that I didn't even notice that we were there. We were still holding hands and touching shoulders. And for some reason, I felt, warm. For the first time in weeks.

"One Banana Blitz and Strawberry Surprise." Freddie ordered.

"Coming right up." T-Bo said. "Hey, you guys want some tacos?" He asked, holding up a stick with taco shells on it. How did he do that without them breaking?

"No T-Bo!" We shouted. T-Bo was the best doctor in smoothiology, but he can get really annoying.

Me and Freddie sat down. We weren't holding hands anymore and I was kind of upset about that.

He took a sip of his smoothie and all I did was stare down at mine. I couldn't drink it...

"Aren't you going to drink your smoothie?" Freddie asked.

"Uh.. of course I am! Stupid nub." I said and then took a huge sip of my smoothie. What am I doing?

Freddie rolled his eyes.

"Listen, Sam... the nurse told us that you have.. um... that..." It seemed like he had to tell me something, but didn't want to.

"That you have an eating disorder..." He finally said while playing with a loose string on the sleeve of his hoodie.

I just stared at him. What? Most girls who were anorexic were all skin and bones! I was fat!

"But... most anorexics are really skinny." I said. Playing around with my hospital bracelet that I still had on.

"Sam, that's exactly what you are! Your too skinny."

"No i'm not."

"The nurse also said that when girls are anorexic, they see themselves as really fat. Which their not. I'm here for you Sam. I want to help you."

"I don't need help. I'm fine. Now i'll be right back, I gotta go to the bathroom." I said. I got up and went in the the bathroom. Once I closed the door I made sure no one was there. There was this one woman in a stall.

I banged on the door. "GET OUT LADY BEFORE I ARRANGE FOR A COUPLE OF GANG BANGERS TO RAPE YOU!" I screamed. She started screaming and opened the stall with her pants still down. As she ran she pulled them up.

Once she left, I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked even fatter then I was before! I can't let this happen to me.

I locked myself in to a stall and kneeled over the toilet. Then I stuck two fingers down my throat...

And was violently sick.

Okay, I need help...

**BAM! Cliffy... harharhar i'm so mean. Okay well it's off to bed for me. I have a 4 day weekend WOOT WOOT! Okay... after that uh.. well i'm gonna go before I pass out ;) Bye dolls! ~Tori **


	7. iGoto Therapy

_Sam's POV_

"So Samantha-"

"It's Sam."

"Sam. Why are you here today?" The therapist asked me. Her name was Mrs. Asser. I know. When I saw it on my therapy schedule I almost burst out laughing until my mom told me it was pronounced _ay-se-yur._

"I-I.." I began to say. But I was a loss for words. I knew why I was here. I had an eating disorder. Yes, I am admitting that. I realized that.

I started crying.

The therapist patted my back.

"Don't touch me Mrs. Ass!" I yelled.

" It's Asser." She sighed.

"Yeah, whatever."

"Okay _Samantha" _She emphasized my full name. "I think we're done here for the day. Good bye."

"I was here for two minutes!" I screamed. It's $50 a session and I was only here for two freaking minutes?

"Good. Bye." She said. And pointed to the door.

I rolled my eyes and left. Stupid therapist.

When I walked out, Carly was there to pick me up. My mom was working the whole day.

"Hey Carls. Lets go." I said.

"What the hell, Sam? You were in there for like, two minutes!" She yelled.

"Yeah, my therapist is a bitch."

"Mrs. Asser?" Carly pronounced wrong.

We both burst out laughing.

"So, Freddie, Gibby, and I are going to the Cheesecake Warehouse now. I was going to drop you off at your house, but I thought that you might want to come."

"Oh, um, I can't... homework and shit."

"Sam Puckett? Doing HOMEWORK?"

"Uh, sure."

"C'mon Sam, you and me both know you're lying. Please come? It'll be fun!"

"Ugh! Fine...but only because I don't wanna hear you whine the rest of the car ride." I gave in.

She let out a girlish squeal. Of course, Carls.

**At the Cheesecake Warehouse**

"**Damnnnn, this is one BIG slice of cheesecake" Gibby said. Shirtless. Of course, Gibson.**

"**Oh Gibby, your so funny!" Carly cooed. Giggling.**

**What a flirt she can be...**

"**Sam, you haven't even touched your cheesecake! You would usually be on your third slice by now." Carly said. Raising her eyebrow.**

"**Carly..." Freddie whispered. Reminding her of my... little problem.**

"**Oh.." She said. And looked down at her lap.**

"**I-it's okay guys. I'm eating again!" I said and took a big bite of cheese cake. It tasted REALLY good. Too bad it wasn't going to last long...**

**After we all kinda finished out cheesecake we just talked. Carly and Gibby flirting like crazies. Me and Fredward talking about how Mrs. Briggs and Mr. Howard shouldn't make out in the teachers lounge.**

"**Excuse me, Fredward, I have to go relieve my bladder." I said, getting up from my chair.**

"**TMI Sam..." He muttered. I smiled at him and he did that little smirk he always does when one side of his lip curves up and he lifts an eyebrow. It's kinda cute... Wait what?**

**I walked in to the bathroom. It was one of those bathrooms where both genders can go in and theres only one toilet and you lock the door and- yeah you get it...**

**I looked at myself in the mirror. I still see myself as fat. I know that Freddie said that I only see myself like that and that i'm not fat. And I believe him. Why i'm still doing this, i'll never know.**

**I knelt down by the toilet. And stuck two fingers down my throat. And was sick. Again.**

**Oh, this felt wonderful. Insert sarcasm here.**

**I heard footsteps. But I couldn't get up. I was too busy enjoying my puking moment. Insert more sarcasm here.**

**I heard the door open. Shit...**

"**SAM!" I heard Freddie scream.**

**Double shit.**


	8. iFind Out

I got up from the toilet.

"PERV!" I screamed, pointing at him.

"Am not! I heard gagging and I wanted to make sure you were okay!"

"So you don't just burst in! I could have been, like, naked!"

Freddie rolled his eyes.

"Sam you left the fucking door unlocked, smart one! What? Were you in a rush to make yourself sick?"

"No! My stomach hurt! It must've been the cheesecake..." I said, looking up.

"Oh please Sam, I had the same kind of cheesecake as you and i'm fine!"

"Maybe my stomachs weak!"

"Sam," He said, stepping closer to me, grimacing at the vomit in the toilet.

"You ate raw bacon as a dare once. You were FINE!" He said and threw his hands up.

I had nothing to say.

He closed the door behind me.

"Sam, I know that you still have a problem. And I know that it's my fault. And I know from health class that people with eating disorders don't believe what people sa-"

"I do believe you." I cut him off.

"So why are you doing this?" He yelled.

"I... I DON'T KNOW! JUST GET OUT!" I screamed, pointing to the door. I really don't know why i'm still doing this.

He grabbed on to my shoulders.

"Sam. Calm down! Okay?"

I took a deep breath. "Okay..."

"Good. Now Sam, I know whatever I say won't change your mind, but your beautiful Sam. Just the way you are. You know your not fat, and I know your not fat. Your just doing this because you're not confident. Your not just beautiful. You're fun, loving, caring, and georgous. You just don't see it."

"You... you really think i'm all those things?" I asked. That was really sweet of him. B-but he's still a nub though... pshhh...what a nerd... hehe...

"Yeah, I do Sam." He looked in to my eyes. I could see he was telling the truth.

"Thanks, Freddie." I said, He seemed shocked that I called him by his real name.

"You're welcome. But Sam, can you please stop torturing yourself? Please!" He begged. I could see his eyes were getting red, like he was about to cry.

"I... I can't." I said, looking down at my feet. He was right, i'm not confident.

He pulled me in to a tight hug.

"Fred...ward...can't..breathe..."

He let go.

"Sorry." He said.

"it's'k."

"Sam, please! Please stop hurting yourself. It's not worth it."

I stared in to his deep chocolate eyes for a matter of minutes, thinking.

I should stop. I am hurting myself. I know i'm skinny, I see myself as skinny. Freddie's one of my best friends and him and Carly are really worried about me.

"Okay."

"Okay what?"

"Okay, I'll stop."

He smiled and pulled me in to another hug.

"Thanks Sam.." He said, sniffling. Tears of joy? I guess...

"No, thanks Fredward."

"Back to the name calling?" He said, pulling out of the hug.

"Yep, pretty much. I said smirking.

"C'mon lets go tell Carly we're leaving and we'll go to the park." He said, still smiling.

"Sure."

If this was one of those cheesy movies, happy music would be playing right now. But good thing its not one of those.

I wasn't lying. I am going to stop hurting myself now. Atleast i'll try. It's become an addiction, kind of.

But I know Freddie will be there to help me.

Once we were at the park, we sat down on a bench and Freddie got me icecream. And I was going to eat it this time. And not make myself sick.

"Again, thanks for helping me." I said, licking my ice cream.

"No problem, and i'll help you get through it." He said.

We stared in to each others eyes.

And then Fredward did the most un expected thing.

He leaned in.

And kissed me.


	9. iJust Can't

**Hey dolls :] so I got some critisism from my last chapter because people were saying that an eating disorder doesn't stop that quickly and apparently some people don't know how to spell because someone wrote speshal instead of special ;] I just wanted to let you know that I know that eating disorders don't stop that quickly. Don't think just because of what Sam said that she's going to be completely normal again. She thinks that but it's alot harder than it looks. I struggled with anorexia once but now i'm fine. But I know what its like. **

There was silence. Awkward much?

"Um, what was that?" I asked. He kissed me? After I vomited.. yum...

"I..uh... nevermind." He said, his voice cracked.

Then he left. Leaving me confused.

What just happened?

I was at home. My mom was out, probably partying or making out with some guy at his house. I had the clothing magazine in my hands, the fire place was lit.

But I couldn't bring myself to throw it in.

"I promised Freddie." I whispered.

I was still gripping the magazine. Hard enough that the pages started to rip.

All the girls in the magazine were perfect.

I wasn't.

"_Samantha you get your fat ass away from the TV!" My dad screamed._

"_Daddy, i'm busy drawing!" I said, I was only 7 at the time._

"_Get the fuck out of the way!"_

_Tears in my eyes._

"_I don't know why your mother didn't abort you when she was 17." He groaned._

_I burst out in to tears._

"_Your so fucking loud! Get your fat ass self out of my face! As a matter of fact, why don't you just go and kill yourself?" He yelled, once again. _

_I ran up stairs to my room._

_I found my craft scissors and was about to cut myself._

_But I couldn't bring myself to do it._

"_Your such a fat ass!" My dads words echoed in my head._

_I was only 7, but I had an eating disorder. _

_My dad made me hate my body._

_My eyes were watering. Remembering 10 years back. I gripped my scissors the same way I gripped the magazine._

_I remembered that Carly, Melanie, and my mom helped me get through it. My mom also divorced my dad after that._

_Then my mom started getting depressed and she got drunk a lot and brought home random guys. She doesn't get drunk anymore, but still has this one boyfriend who's okay. I don't really like him._

_But now, I have no one. Carly thinks i'm better, Freddie probably won't talk to me anymore, and my mom's out all the time._

_I sat there, near the fireplace, the warmth of the growing fire comforting me. But not enough to stop the tears._

_There's no hope for me._


End file.
